After scanning over my latests posts here and seeing the lack of comments, which I completely understand since they would not seem interesting to any one -not even me-, I have come to realize one thing. Sadly, I only feel the need to come to blogger and write when I am sad, troubled, anxious, nervous, lonely or depressed. That is when I make posts that might seem interesting to some extend. The rest of the time I just feel obliged to make a posts in order to feel like an active blogger -which I'm not.  As a result my posts are full of empty statements and facts from my daily life that no one cares to read.

So today, as urged as I might feel to talk about how my weekend was (travelled to paris with the swim team, was really scared at first and nervous, slowly gained confidence, had a great time, made friends and went to disneyland) I will avoid referring to anything uninteresting.  (unless talking about avoiding to talk about  uninteresting stuff is itself uninteresting)

Anyways, I had my first guitar lesson today. This is worth mentioning because it made extremely happy. It has boosted up my self esteem and I feel more powerful now. The reason is partly because my teacher is really nice and taught me a lot of things but mostly because I was talking to him in french the whole time and was able to understand everything he said. Being able to fluently speak french has been one of my goals for a since I was 10 (now I'm 15) and having achieved it I feel happier than I've ever been in the past few weeks.

So now I'll go practice my guitar.



“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination
and life to everything.”
― Plato

magic happens outside your comfort zone

My math teacher wrote that cliche line on the white board yesterday in a desperate attempt to persuade as
that there is a reason her tests are so incredible difficult. I doubt anyone paid further attention to it. I admit that my first reaction was very indifferent too but then.. For some inexplicable reason that line got stuck in my mind and it came back in my mind every time I felt "outside my comfort zone".

This morning for example, I had my first swimming practice, which is also try outs for the swim team. In the beginning I got so tired I wanted to get out and go home and cry. Honestly, I think I have never felt worst in my life. Swimming is the only sport I like and if I wasn't good enough for the team then I never have any chance of being in any sports team. And then *boom* that line came to me.. I was outside my comfort zone.. way too far from it in fact.

So yeah there is a good motivation to take risks and new challenges. 

I wish you could make me laugh but you can't so bye bye

Since I moved in brussels I have one big problem that haunts my daily life: Good friends.
I really don't mean to brag, but people in greece are much more friendlier than those here. Since I came here I have very often felt lonely and rarely had a lot of fun with my new friends. I have a few girlfriends that I really trust, but even with them I don't the happiness a good friend can make you feel.

Yesterday as I was hanging out with a boy I have recently become really close friends with, I caught myself laughing with almost every other thing we talked about, and I felt very happy. He pointed out that I laugh all the time and I replied "I'm a very happy person i guess". At that instant I doubted myself because for the past year I never considered myself a happy person. He also told me that another friend of his, that I haven't met but I have been chatting with on facebook, thought that I am a very funny and pleasant person. Then I remembered myself with my friends in greece and realized that I actually am I very happy person as long I am with the right people. I realized that I need to spend more time with people capable to make me laugh.

However, I suppose it doesn't mean that the people who tend to make you laugh are those you should trust completely either. Then who am I to trust? Who is worth of everything I have to give to a friend?

And also.. a message to everyone: saying "Hello" or even just smiling is totally free of charge and it will not harm you in any way.  So you might as well say hi to someone who you used to hang out with once in a while. 

Make it stop, I'm getting dizzy

It has been about 2 weeks since school started and I am still in daydream mode. I need to get used to a routine that includes my needs and responsibilities and that it's easy to remember. 

I get home and there are about 50 ideas in my mind consisting of things i would like to do. The majority of them are types of food i want to eat and pictures that I wanna try and paint. Some others include reading about guitar or downloading music and of course, reading my currently favorite book. After a couple of hours of such activities I decide to do homework. This is done while watching tv series or listening to music, so I guess it makes sense that I make so many mistakes on my math homework. However, this year I have decided to be the good student I am meant to be and from now on I challenge myself to study without distractions. 

Anyhow, apart from academics I have decided to take my free time wasting to a whole new level by not wasting it anymore. First of all, I have wanted for a long to time to buy a wii but recently I persuaded myself that video games are a big waste of time, so I will buy a guitar instead and teach myself how to play it. So this weekend I will hopefully, finally, buy my guitar and I have already gotten books about learning to play the guitar. Second of all, I decide to reclaim my academic potential by participating in MUN and speech and debate club. Finally, the third point opens the subcategory of using my time in order to benefit myself directly. I will be spending an hour every tuesday evening in the gym with by friend who wants to lose weight and I will also start taking swimming lessons again, since it is the inly sport I am good at and in order to prepare for the team try outs later in the year. 

Along with exercising I also need to stop eating. Seriously, I eat every available piece of food I find and I never miss a chance to get food. That I a habit I am developing for the first time in my life since I have always been very moderate with the amount of food I eat. Possible reasons for this might be that at the age of 15 I am probably growing and need the food and also that I skip breakfast in the morning. So maybe I'll try to get some breakfast tomorrow, that will be my second challenge. Breakfast. 

Another interesting feeling I am experiencing is that as school days follow one another, I feel that I am kind of losing myself. I meet so many people and sometimes I forget that it is not up to their standards that I am leaving, but up to mine. I find myself seeking acceptance and recognition from people I don't know without stopping for a second to think what I really want. I have realized that the only way to really be alright around others is when you understand yourself. 

I just really want to watch a horror movie right now. I hope my friend can come over on friday so we can watch one together. When I first moved here and didn't have any friends who liked horror movies I tried to watch some by myself. I saw quite a few in fact... but then I realized it is way more fun with friends. 

If any one reads this: What's your favorite horror movie or just movie in general ..? 

school ew.. but i think it's fun

so i haven't posted anything for a while..
School started yesterday and we are in the new high school building which is very small but I find it rather cute... after all we have garage doors in our classes, how cooler can it get?
So far I like the teachers and the new people.. I have nothing to complain about.
it's 11.32 and I'm a little tired . so I think I'll stop here and go to sleep.
Lol, I have written so little.. I need to get back into the habit of blogging more.. perhaps I should
plan an hour during each week to be dedicated for blogging.
Anyways goodnight people :)

nostalgic experience.. amen

Sunday, July 31, 2011 I’m at my grandmas village. No internet in a radius of 200 meters at least. But I just gotta blog today, I’ll post it later.

Today as you noticed is Sunday, and for everyone in this village Sunday means one thing: church. For the past years I have never spent more than a week each time I visited my grandma. When it came to Sunday I would just sleep late and not wake up on time for church. This time however, I decided it would be nice to accompany my grandma to the church for once, just like I would when I was tiny little me –of course back then I had no choice.

Grandma seemed very pleased with my choice and suggested that we go at nine instead of at seven that she usually went. Of course she asked me if I had a dress. (one time I had managed to skip church by only bringing pants with me) Yes I had a decent dress. Or so I thought.

Morning comes. I put a lot of effort in waking up and a lot of mental effort to prevent myself from pretending to sleep. I get dressed and meet my grandma outside the house: ready for church!

This is when the grandma monologue starts.

-Andriana your dress is very short! –It’s the longest I got grandmaaaaa-

-Andriana why did you color your nails so many colors? –Duhh plain pink is boringgg-

-Andrianaaa your bra shows with this dress!!! –Hello??! That’s why I chose my lightest pink bra-

-Andrianaaa this. Andriana thaaaat.

What does it matter anyways? I’m going to church to pray to god and god wouldn’t judge me by my appearance. Am I right?

After a while it switches from Andriana to Jesus. (Jesus said this. Jesus said that.) I have to say, the Jesus version is more fun cause I can at least try to argue. (How the h*** did Jesus say we can’t wear short dresses? They didn’t exist when he lived!!!)

Anyhow, soon, we reached the church and I realized how tiny I must have been last time I had been there. In my memory, the church was a huge building with an enormous playground. Inside there were hundreds of chairs, high ceiling, big chandeliers and gigantic temple. Now what I saw was a normal size church, with a small yard, small chandeliers and a few chairs. The temple however had remained pretty impressive. In fact, it had become golden. I swear it used to be black. Yes, it was black, I learned the story later. In order to hide it from the Turks, like 200 years ago, they painted it black to hide the gold underneath. Recently they remembered to uncover it again. It’s beautiful.

I had always found the service quite boring. Unlike catholic churches, we don’t have neither music nor a choir… It also requires a lot of focus in order to understand what the priest is saying. I was wondering why they don’t make it into moderns Greek. Although way better than Latin, Ancient Greek is still hard to understand. I couldn’t tell when we were supposed to stand up, sit down or do the cross thingy so I just copied the others. I don’t really care though since we only go to church about 5 or 6 times a years.

Towards the end of the mass the fun started. We were standing up and listening to one of Jesus’ adventures when I started feeling a little sick. At first I thought I was just tired but soon the feeling became more familiar. My vision became very blurry and my legs felt weak. Shit, I was getting dizzy and it was the second time it happened this summer. I turn and tell my grandma “I’m dizzy” and try to reach for the exit. How idiotic I must have looked unable to walk straight… Several minutes later I found myself throwing up in the church’s backyard.

Later an on I heard this epic line coming from a church lady: It was Satan who tried to make you leave church and not want to come back!

Maybe it was… although I’m pretty sure my lack of proper nutrition recently had also been involved.

it's not about the guy. it's about the friend.

That's just a preface to another post I want to write about friends.

Breaking up is one thing. Losing a friends is another.
Those two might take the form of one though.
Or would they? What about losing a friend that was never a friend.
What if the feeling of trust and security was a subconscious illusion on both sides?
What if the persons played the roles of friends but never really were?

It's exciting. It's overwhelming. It is therefore misleading.
You don't stop for one moment to think about where those feelings come from.
Then it's over.
And then you get over it.

Joan Jett taught me I got nothing to lose when I lose fake friends.
And you know you deserve a million times better.

<- radnom picture, just cause she looks
 a lot like me. And though the vides
are sad she seems hopeful.

Anyways, this post was
meant to be a lot deeper...
it just didn't turn out deep
cause i felt nothing deep when writing it.
I hate loosing friends.